Corpus Christi Blog

Excerpts from “Not Just a Union but a Sacrament”

05-27-2018Weekly ReflectionShaun and Jessica McAfee

Catholic Answers Magazine; May-June 2018; www.catholic.com

Shaun: As an Evangelical Christian young adult, I took my faith seriously. Nothing mattered more than having a personal relationship with Jesus and committing myself to holiness. But my broader understanding of sin was problematic: I was a moral relativist. Something might have been a sin for me, but for others, it might have been licit.

Jessica: As a teenager, I had much to sort out about sex and all of the different points of view to which we were exposed. Contraception seemed to be more or less a personal preference, and it was rare to hear it even mentioned by a pastor or other authority. I had no clear teaching available to form my opinion on the matter except that, thankfully, my mother did teach me that some hormonal contraceptive methods could be abortive if they didn't actually prevent conception.

So when Shaun and I married, that's what concerned me the most in choosing a method of contraception. Not being on some form of birth control wasn't even an option in my mind until we could welcome children into the life we dreamed of having for them.

Shaun: So in 2010, with a new job in Omaha, Nebraska, life seemed to be going right—right enough to have a family. Our first night in Omaha, I remember turning on the TV to nuns praying the rosary and said out loud, "I will never be part of that godforsaken religion." It's funny what happens when we say "never" to God. Nine months later, I would be arguing daily with a new friend against the Catholic Church.

Each night, after his latest barrage of claims about Catholicism, I would go home, flip open my Church history books, and look to see if what he said was true. And sure enough, even though my books were written by Evangelical scholars, the names, texts, and testimonies of ancient Christians were plainly annotated, and their teaching was unambiguously Catholic.

There was no possibility of reconciling these issues in favor of my Evangelical intellectual formation. To me, it was as if being Catholic was the only full means of accepting Christ as my Savior, participating fully in his sacraments, and believing fully in his bride, whom he promised to protect (Matt 16:18) and would never allow to fall into error (John 14:26). Therefore, one year after I solemnly declared, "I will never be part of that godforsaken religion," I didn't want to be Christian if I couldn't be Catholic. On April 8, 2012, I received the sacrament of confirmation and entered the Catholic Church.

It's important to point out how, in my conversion, I became completely convinced that the Church, through Christ, was the only infallible communicator of moral and divine truths, and that whatever it taught I wanted to submit to. But I needed to know more about the social and moral teachings of the Church. This would play a key role in my responsibilities as a husband and father.

Jessica: Life was a little overwhelming when Shaun began to look into the truth of the Catholic Church. Everything was new: newly pregnant, new jobs, new home, and a new city. I was terrified of miscarrying due to my medical history, and I wanted doctors who would fight for my first baby. That led me to the Pope Paul VI Institute in Omaha. The dignity and care with which I was treated there was unlike anything I had experienced before, and it wasn't just me; they cared for my husband and our baby as well. Catholicism didn't interest me until I became acquainted with the Institute. As my trust in the people there grew, I began to admire their faith and reverence. Eventually, I was personally ready to join the Church when our first son was ten months old.

Within a year, I was using NFP, and I began training to become a fertility care practitioner myself. The training was far more intensive than anything I had experienced. Of everything I learned, I was struck the most by the fact that the ethics behind NFP flow naturally and logically from the way God designed our bodies as men and women and from our orientation toward love and communion.

While I was practicing NFP after our first child, I was doing so with the wrong mentality. I had been afraid of my fertility or even the possible lack of fertility, and that had been holding me back from giving myself as freely and with the openness to life that my husband and our marriage deserved.

That doesn't mean NFP is always easy. We've all heard the sales pitch of the monthly "honeymoon" following abstinence during fertile phases. Most couples practicing NFP will raise their eyebrows and say there is usually of feeling of 'Finally!", but during this same phase, women's hormones plummet, taking their energy with them. It's a short-lived honeymoon at best, especially considering that it typically follows just a few days of abstinence. In my experience, I have come to believe that if we teach this "benefit" to encourage use of NFP, we are setting people up for failure by not being honest about the associated difficulties.

When it comes down to it, NFP is a sacrificial system.

It's not easy; in fact, it's an outright struggle at times. However, if we are willing to work together in our marriage and bear the cross that fertility brings, we will find there are many benefits. When a husband and wife have a loving marriage that is free, total, faithful, and fruitful, it can't help but affect everyone around them. Sharing how a couple avail themselves of God's blessings is part of the evangelization in which we are all called to participate.

Shaun: My enthusiasm for learning about the Church's teaching did not diminish after receiving my confirmation. I was happy to be part of a body that was unified in teaching and worship of God. But as months went by, I realized that everything wasn't as picture-perfect as I had imagined. Although the Church is firm on its teachings, there are some stray sheep who believe, teach, and live their lives in opposition on some issues. Perhaps none of these is more prevalent than those of
birth control and abortion.

I spoke with the deacon at my parish, who suggested that I start with an encyclical from Pope Paul VI titled Humanae Vitae. And so I did. Humanae Vitae confirmed several aspects of the Church's teaching on sex and responsible parenthood, but also challenged my own assumptions.

I had always been against abortion, but I had been terribly confused on the application of moral truths. I believed for a long time that the individual alone was the final arbiter of right and wrong. I suffered from relativism. It's a powerful, seductive, and deceptive heresy. Moral relativism holds that no moral truth is necessarily true, but is true only as it is relative to, or perceived by, the person.

As an Evangelical, I was free to believe that if I remained immersed in Scripture and prayer, the Holy Spirit would provide me moral clarity. But what happened if others arrived at a different conclusion? That's just the problem: the Holy Spirit is not the spirit of contradiction and confusion. The Bible provides unalterable proof of this (cf. John 14:26, 16:13). No longer was I able to look away from the sins of the world. Because I was able to recognize abortion was evil, the Catholic Church's clarity in teaching helped me to get out of my own relativism, which was a great relief and a help to my reconciliation with God.

Next, I had to understand artificial birth control and the corruption of the contraceptive mentality. In the opening lines of Humanae Vitae, the pope informs us that "married persons are the free and responsible collaborators of God the Creator" and goes on to discuss "responsible parenthood" and all that it
entails for married couples.

Responsible parenthood also and above all implies a more profound relationship to the objective moral order established by God, of which a right conscience is the faithful interpreter. The responsible exercise of parenthood implies, therefore, that husband and wife recognize fully their own duties towards God, towards themselves, towards the family and towards society, in a correct hierarchy of values (10).

What this means is that intentionally thwarting the procreative end of our sexuality is wrong, because it's a deliberate violation of God's design for humanity. Any and all pleasures of sexual intercourse are added blessings from God and strengthen the bond of intimacy, respect, and love between husband and wife while also affording the possibility of new life. Hence we see clearly what the Church understands as the essential unity of the dual ends of the marital act: the primary end of pr ocr eat i on and the secondary and related end of strengthening marital love.

Unbeknownst to me, when I entered the bond of marriage, I entered into a union with my spouse that is more than a blissful friendship of love and devotion: it is a sacrament! The love we share is made for us to participate in the creation of human life with the Author of life himself! And all the passion my wife and I share require our mutual self-control, which allows us to offer ourselves as a gift for one another.

Shaun and Jessica: First, we urge you to carefully read Humanae Vitae and the many teachings and articles on the Church's social and moral doctrine that help non-experts underst and this fundamental teaching. This will help you examine your conscience and rid yourself of beliefs and acts that are disordered. "Flee from sexual
immorality" (1 Cor 6:18).

Second, we urge parents to embrace their primary and inalienable right and duty to educate their children (see Gravissimum Educationis, 3). To educate your children with integrity, you must be the example. All parents know that you can tell kids not to do something several times, but the one time you do it, any teaching
you tried to impart can be lost.

Third, pray with them—early and often. Their knowledge of and relationship with God begins with how they see you pray.

Fourth, openly and frequently talk to them about moral responsibility in creative ways, stories, and examples. The point is not to drown them in repetition but to make sure they know what it means to make a good decision, and why. If you do these things, you will accomplish the most important task in the vineyard: transmitting the Faith to the next generation.

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