The Gift of Friendship

04-19-2026Weekly ReflectionJen Arnold, M.A.

One of God’s most precious gifts to humanity is the gift of friendship. Friendship enables us to form intimate relationships with one another – outside of the unique friendship of marriage – that allow us to experience a reflection of divine love. When Jesus says to his disciples, “No longer do I call you servants…but I have called you friends,” friendship took on a new meaning as part of our pathway to holiness (Jn 15:15). Our great Catholic saints and theologians prized true friendship above earthly treasure and taught that authentic friendship is not an accidental circumstance, but an opportunity for a grace-filled relationship rooted in mutual pursuit of the good.

Our friendships provide us with opportunities to practice virtue and self-sacrifice as we care for the soul of another. Our true and authentic friendships mirror our own friendship with Christ and help to form us more deeply in his image, drawing us more deeply into communion with him.

Take a moment to read Luke 5:17-26. This is the story about the paralytic man who is lowered through a roof to Jesus by his friends, since the crowd was blocking normal access to the house. The man’s sins are forgiven, and he is healed. The most notable points of the story are the scribes and Pharisees questioning Jesus’ authority to forgive, and afterward, the man and the witnesses glorifying God. But what of these friends who remain in the background?

Let’s start with the virtue exhibited by the paralytic’s friends, which was directly addressed in Scripture. “When he saw their faith, he said, ‘As for you, your sins are forgiven’” (Lk 5:20). This man is healed, not because of his own faith, but because of the faith of his friends. They know, without a doubt, that if they can get their friend into the presence of Jesus, he will be healed, and they quite literally do what it takes to make that happen. This is not to say that our own faith doesn’t matter, but it’s more a reflection of the beauty of relationships. Sometimes, when we are at low points in our lives, we struggle to have faith or hope, and we rely on our friends to fill in the gaps. These friends also show us what kind of friends we ought to be. Do we show up and have enough faith for our friends in need, interceding with our Lord on their behalf, believing with our whole hearts he will do what is best for them?

These friends also demonstrate other virtues. Lifting a stretcher up to a rooftop and lowering it through that roof could not have been an easy task. Without access to modern equipment, they relied on their physical strength while taking care not to harm him. They might have needed multiple attempts. Their actions exemplify fortitude, perseverance, and courage. They could have waited for Jesus to finish his work inside and the crowd to disperse, but they had a sense of urgency in doing what needed to be done. Do we share the same sense of urgency in bringing our own friends to Jesus? Physically moving someone might not always be best (or possible), but creativity offers many ways to bring people to Jesus. The paralytic’s friends show the importance of bringing our friends to Jesus and that in doing so, sometimes, we must think of different approaches and never give up.

The paralytic’s friends teach us that helping a friend in need almost always requires sacrifice, large or small. Scripture doesn’t say, but presumably these men were busy before dropping everything to take their friend to Jesus. They might have been at work, with family, repairing homes, or praying in the temple. Whatever it was, they were likely occupied and had to give something up to bring their paralyzed friend to the house where Jesus was preaching. Our friends’ needs won’t always be convenient, and Jesus’ timing often does not align with our own preferred timetable. To be good friends and help bring others to Jesus, we must be flexible and willing to make sacrifices, preferably joyfully and without complaint.

Now that we’ve discussed what kind of friends we ought to be, let’s discuss the importance of choosing good friends. After all, if friendships are meant to reflect God’s love for us and to foster our growth in holiness, it is important that the quality of our friendships rise to the occasion. Spend some time reading and meditating on Sirach 6:5-17. This passage offers timeless, practical wisdom on the nature of friendship, distinguishing superficial relationships from genuine, enduring bonds. It begins by noting how pleasant speech and gracious words naturally attract many acquaintances, encouraging broad but cautious sociability. It is virtuous in and of itself to be pleasant, as it is attractive and reflects the light of Christ. However, we are advised that while we ought to have many at peace with us, we should have only a few true confidants, “one in a thousand.”

We are also encouraged to be patient and to use discernment when forming friendships. Test potential friends thoroughly before fully trusting them, as many will prove themselves to be conditional. In other words, they will be present when things are going well, but absent during adversity. Some may also exploit the relationship for personal gain, disappear when you need them, or even become enemies, exposing disagreements between the two of you to shame you. Additionally, beyond fair-weather friends, there are friends who will attempt to assert their superiority over you, and friends who oppose you in difficult situations. Pursuing friendships cautiously with a discerning heart will help you to root out any that may cause you future harm or grief or hinder your pursuit of holiness.

The passage in Sirach then contrasts these unreliable acquaintances with the value of faithful friends, portraying them as a “sturdy shelter” in storms, a priceless “treasure” beyond monetary value, and “life-saving medicine” for the soul. Friends like these are ultimately found by those who fear the Lord because they reflect a shared moral character – godly people attract and sustain godly friendships. This is the perfect illustration of the old adage, “birds of a feather flock together.” Find virtuous friends who will challenge you to make virtuous choices as you confide in them about any situation with which you are faced. The goal of good friendships is to aid and support mutual growth in holiness, whereby both parties assist one another on their journey to heaven.

Read the passages from Luke and Sirach, perhaps using Lectio Divina. What virtues do you exhibit best in your friendships, and where do you need to grow? Which friendships help you grow in holiness and bring you closer to Jesus? Take some time to thank God for the gift of friendship in general and for specific friends who have been a true gift to you on your journey. Consider making a sacrificial act for a friend or two this week – have a Mass offered, fast, offer up the day’s sufferings, etc. – in thanksgiving for the salvation of their souls.